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East Midlands Regional Coordinator
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Discussion Starter #1
... still appears to be dead?

I can't think of a car forum with any less banter than MIG these days :( It really does look like the killjoys won!
 

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It could be worse...............

Tom is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline and won the contest. He wasn't thrilled with her for that one.
Anyway...anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this guy.




Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I
thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this:-

We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of **** sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I
take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my
whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast.

Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually
grinding the jellyfish into my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he along with 5 other divers were laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my dry chamber decompression.

I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell.

When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it 'up my ass' when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't **** for 2 days because my asshole was swollen shut. I later found out that this
could easily have been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.

Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make them more tolerable.

Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Love you,

Tom
 

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... still appears to be dead?

I can't think of a car forum with any less banter than MIG these days :( It really does look like the killjoys won!
It's the mongs who are winning mate. Dickheads using 'txt tlk', threads about eating ****ing trifle (or something **** like that), endless begging from desperate morons who want you to vote for their pet in the 'orangest goldfish' competition and stupid stories from stupid brain donors whose spider got savaged by a lunatic West Highland Terrier.

THAT is why 'off topic' is **** me old teapot.
 

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It's the mongs who are winning mate.
You forgot the one about the socially inept amoebic smeg whose idea of having a good time is punching someone in the face because they are enjoying life. The brains of the bunch? I think not. :)

Then the other clown who attempts to correct the spelling and grammar of others despite being barely literate himself. And let's not forget the oafishness of liberally typing swear words when it is quite obvious the forum has a swear filter.

And as for the white supremacist in our mist....FPMSL..That shining example of the modern day Neantherdal once tried to win an argument by stating his blood lines are better than mine, I kid you not. ( Utterly irrelevant and nonsensical though it was, he was almost certainly mistaken, lol)
 

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East Midlands Regional Coordinator
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40,980 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
You forgot the one about the socially inept amoebic smeg whose idea of having a good time is punching someone in the face because they are enjoying life. The brains of the bunch? I think not.

Then the other clown who attempts to correct the spelling and grammar of others despite being barely literate himself. And let's not forget the oafishness of liberally typing swear words when it is quite obvious the forum has a swear filter.

And as for the white supremacist in our mist....FPMSL..That shining example of the modern day Neantherdal once tried to win an argument by stating his blood lines are better than mine, I kid you not. ( Utterly irrelevant and nonsensical though it was, he was almost certainly mistaken, lol)




[yoda]Much anger in you, there is. Anger leads only to the dark side of the Vaux.

A Nova drive you will.

Great rust there will be :( [/yoda]
 

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Chav, it's not fair. Seemingly I can't play with you.

Every time I do, you go running to the Mig Moderators, squealing like a stuck pig. As does your fellow grass.

Then I get a 'nasty' pm :(

p.s. Does your sister know that you are posting her photo across the internet?
 

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East Midlands Regional Coordinator
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Discussion Starter #11
Chav, it's not fair. Seemingly I can't play with you.

Every time I do, you go running to the Mig Moderators, squealing like a stuck pig. As does your fellow grass.

Then I get a 'nasty' pm :(
Ok so just keep it to light hearted banter (like I just did above - that wasn't offensive, right?) and everyone's happy.

I have no grudge.

In fact when you were reminding somebody the other day about how an engine should go in a Calibra, it brought a little tear to my eye.
 

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In fact when you were reminding somebody the other day about how an engine should go in a Calibra, it brought a little tear to my eye.
Can't recall the post but no surprise on the tears! What's it been now, 4 years @ 0 bhp?

If only you had listened perhaps you too may have been able to knock up some miles in tuned Calibras :)
 

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East Midlands Regional Coordinator
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Discussion Starter #13
Can't recall the post but no surprise on the tears! What's it been now, 4 years @ 0 bhp?

If only you had listened perhaps you too may have been able to knock up some miles in tuned Calibras :)
My car has been running and driveable for a long time? I've posted videos of it running lmao

Why do you keep saying otherwise?
 

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My car has been running and driveable for a long time? I've posted videos of it running lmao?
My mistake !
Any links to the vids?
Did you make the target 400bhp?
Taken it for any decent drives?

Why do you keep saying otherwise?
??
Other than in this thread, the only time I can recall discussing your Calibra on Mig was in a post I made highlighting it's worthiness and potential. You were banned from Mig at the time.

I'm off out now to play on some V8 jet boats, I'll do a proper check when I get back. :cool:
 

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East Midlands Regional Coordinator
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40,980 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
p.s. Does your sister know that you are posting her photo across the internet?
??? WTF? lmao I don't recall posting a picture of her in years! She's not even in the country at the minute to be fair. As far as im aware you don't know her do you? Nor do you know anything about my project car aside from what is posted online?

If you want to stay on topic and have a bit of harmless banter then by all means do so.
 

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East Midlands Regional Coordinator
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Discussion Starter #17
My mistake !
Any links to the vids?
Did you make the target 400bhp?
Here it is... and that was in August '09 and I was driving it before then.
YouTube - Calibra Touring Car Project - Engine running, uncut video

I haven't dyno'd it, but the spec is there for 400bhp at least. It might make more, or less, but I'm just happy that I did all the work myself and it runs! (not a dig at you).


garyb said:
Other than in this thread, the only time I can recall discussing your Calibra on Mig was in a post I made highlighting it's worthiness and potential. You were banned from Mig at the time.
I don't discuss my Calibra on here to be honest, as a lot of people are very dismissive when it comes to these cars despite (as im sure you know) several Calibras that are stupidly quick. In fact the "fastest 1/4 mile Vauxhalls" thread is hilarious as Calibra is the quickest

I'm off out now to play on some V8 jet boats, I'll do a proper check when I get back. :cool:
Ok, all im saying is that my car does run and drive... so you can understand my confusion when in the past you've said it doesn't.

Now it's cleared up, we can all move on and sail another day lmao
 

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You forgot the one about the socially inept amoebic smeg whose idea of having a good time is punching someone in the face because they are enjoying life. The brains of the bunch? I think not. :)

Then the other clown who attempts to correct the spelling and grammar of others despite being barely literate himself. And let's not forget the oafishness of liberally typing swear words when it is quite obvious the forum has a swear filter.

And as for the white supremacist in our mist....FPMSL..That shining example of the modern day Neantherdal once tried to win an argument by stating his blood lines are better than mine, I kid you not. ( Utterly irrelevant and nonsensical though it was, he was almost certainly mistaken, lol)
Hand on heart none of that made any sense, care to elaborate old bean?
 
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