It was a rainy, miserable day in Blackpool, the shop had been innundated with the local heroin addicts, offering generous swaps of their milk tokens and stolen Gillette razor blades for one of our 'refurbished' mobile phones. Unfortunately, i'd not sewn my oats that afternoon (usually perched on my tip toes in the 'Train Spotting' style toilets at the rear of the shop) so firmly, but fairly, they were asked to leave before i spread their face on my low quality laminate flooring.
I noticed in the trader a metallic blue, 2.0 16v calibra. Now this was no ordinary calibra advert, it was extra special. Dont ask me why, but the hairs on my teeth were standing on end, i was getting shivers down my 'guns' and my fungal infected nails were dying to do the lambada. The call was made, the date was set. Viewing was set between 4pm-6pm on the 20th July.
I get to the location. I promptly decided to quietly slip on my stab proof vest and 'Securicor' style helmet, complete with that foam neck brace to protect from flying wheel braces.
Ged "hi mate"
Trader "hi"
What a cracking start. I looked over and saw a couple of meat heads, similar to Frank Sidebottom sat in the back of a Passat, having "who can spit the thickest, greenest, most tuma ridden flem out the smallest gap in the window" competition...one proceeds to pepper the window with what looks like alien sperm. After fighting the urge to lick it off for the shock factor, i got on with viewing 'THE' calibra.
First, essential check was to kick each tyre and listen for noises. This check went without incident, this car must be MINT. The trader was just out of my sight, frantically rubbing his hands together and laughing like Frank Carson. I can only assume his friend had told him a good joke. Id noticed some strange factory extra's, including an awesome racing petrol cap with genuine carbon fibre style inserts, Brembo style yellow calipers and special over spray around plastic trim, you know, like a calafornian hot rod with airbrushing. The MOT was full, the tax half empty, it was the canal boat i'd been dreaming of for at least 13 minutes.
The car was advertised at £600. Now the trader informed me of literally hundreds of callers who should be turning up any moment, i just had to act quick, like NOW, i offered him £800 CASH. I didnt mind offering £200 over the asking price as it had the brembo's/fuel cap/airbrushing etc. i dont think he would have given it to me at such a good price if i'd not paid by CASH.
I had a look through the folder that came with the car, we had a bit of a laugh as it seems like some dozy MOT tester had noted down the wrong mileage for the past 4 MOTs...hehehe. Also, the trader appologised to me as he said that one day he slammed the car door when his missus had annoyed him and is had mis-aligned the numbers on the milometer. Ah well. these things happen. Just behind the MOT came a salmon coloured sheet, it seems that the car had been to a friendly MOT tester, as he'd advised me on a few things that i should maybe consider doing before driving it. What a nice bloke.
Loving the JDM look with the side repeators. A mod by the main dealer.
A slight glimpse of the Brembo's.
I must agree with the vauxhall designers on this one, it certainly add's to the race feel.
note billet aluminium cap, with calafornia airbrushing on plug.
On closer inspection it seems the Brembo emblem has worn off. Not to worry.
Well happy, found this random carbon disc. Must have cost a fortune when new.
Window rubber, might have been when he slammed the door (as mentioned). Note my guns.
Interior is clean. (enough)
Bolster was a bit freyed, so i coloured it in with a permanent marker. Looks ok (seriously! lol)
BAD POINTS (interior)
Heated seats need wiring up again (wires hanging down underneath)
The drivers door makes 2 large 'banging' noises at certain positions of being open.
Gears are sometimes difficult to select? you have to be very precise and PUSH them in.
BAD POINTS (exterior)
Fuel cap
yellow brakes
carbon disc?!?!
window rubber
couple of paint imperfections/touch ups, no rust at all, no dents.
LIST OF IMMEDIATE, NECESSARY JOBS
Have already replaced the number plates (old ones had red banding round and were rough)
I dont fancy trying to find a paint match for the petrol flap. Anyone recommend a 'nice' cap?! or a subtle one? lol
Paint calipers (front/rear) matt black with heat proof paint (doing that this week)
Stick window rubber on properly
wire in heated seats.
MODS FOR THE FUTURE
Not a lot. Possibly get some 17s (like some Kahn RSR 5 spokes etc) and lower it 60mm rear, 40mm front (only if they are cheap, im getting another car soon so no point in investing revenue.) Otherwise im just going to keep it immaculately clean and well serviced.
Anyone know what the gear problem is? have to push it into gear forcefully, and be careful that your actually in the gear you want to be in LOL
also, need immediate advice on a solution for the petrol cap 'issue'...links to 'ok' looking caps etc
(there were only 2, thank god)
